Bonhoeffer Quote

WHO AM I?

Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly
Like a Squire from his country house.

Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though if were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equably, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat,
Yearning for colours, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighbourliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
faint, and ready to say farewell to it all.

Who am I? This or the Other?
Am I one person to-day and to-morrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptible woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine!


Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Long Weekend is coming...

Well tomorrow is Friday and this weekend is a four day weekend for us here in Indonesia due to the ending of the muslim fast. We get to have two days for Idul Fitri. Nice! Great timing as I am still feeling overwelmed with Janna gone. This week we began to get into a routine of homework, emails, work, and school.

Still continuing to be blown away by "The Cost of Discipleship". We are nothing, nothing, with HIM, the timing of this book is hitting me while I still can not run with this knee surgery, and just realizing how dependent I am on people and need to be on the Lord. I feel as though God continues to break me down to realize my reliance on Him. Maybe as we have kids and get older we just realize that we are frail, also seeing people sick all around us lately. Without Christ how can we be happy in this life? I am still sticking to my moto of life Positive! To be positive means to be in Christ, because the second I step outside I look to every negative thing that is around me. I see no positive things. When I am in Christ we see everything in a positive light. He died for us, we are made to live forever, that means that the majority of our time will be spent on the other side of this life. Why do we then put so much stock in life!?! Why do I put so much stock in this life?!? Be transformed by renewing your mind. I am feeling lately that everything for me comes down to letting go of self. Letting go of self. Lets be used by God today.

Lord use me, use me, use me, ..... This is my true hearts desire.

Basketball

Our tournament run this year ended in the quarter finals. We ran into the defending champs of last year and we lost. This means that the kids and I now need to get into some type of routine. All of the late nights and long days have left me with a sinus cold and headache.

"The same God who sees no sparrow fall to the ground without his knowledge and will, allows nothing to happen, except it be good and profitable for his children and the cause for which they stand. We are in God's hands. Therefore, "Fear Not"."
Bonhoeffer

God loves us!

GOR Tournament

Another basketball game, another late late late night!! We need to win this game tonight to continue on in the tournament. Hoping we can do it. Kids once again going to friends house. We are so thankful for our friends who are able to help us out. Thanks guys (if you are reading this).

I am exhausted and we leave in an hour. All for basketball and the students well worth it. Talk to all later.